My New Blog

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My New Blog

Post by Patrick on Sun Jul 13, 2014 5:32 pm

Hi guys as a budding journalist I have started up a blog as something to put on a cv and use as a portfolio of what I can do. Please could as many of you as possible have a look at what I've written? Any feedback given would be much appreciated. Cheers

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Patrick

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Re: My New Blog

Post by hugo on Sun Jul 13, 2014 7:34 pm

Hi Patrick,

I love reading peoples work and - alas - I also like critiquing it  Razz  Razz  Razz 

Before I plough into my points, I'd like to say that

a) I like the subject matter and it is well presented

b) the use of English is good..

c) when reading the blog, it sounds like the author knows what he's talking about on this subject Smile

d) im only talking about the article on the 13th July (Arsenal) when I make these points

Here are the things that stuck out to me as I read it;

1) your use of comma's is generally very good, but paragraph 3 is virtually devoid of them, creating an unusually long sentence .

2) paragraph 4: "gives Arsenal a strike force of one of the most exciting young strikers at the world cup" -- should this be a 'with one of' instead of 'of one of ' ? - hope that makes sense Razz

3) paragraph 6: requires a comma or two

4) paragraph 7: " having over the club" .. should it be "hovering over the club" ?

5) paragraph 8: lots of commas, well used - love it Smile  i think 'older' readers would argue there's too many.. but feck 'em Razz

6) last paragraph: good finale, with a nice douse of emotion and excitement thrown in Smile


I went on to skip through your 'Royal Ascot' article -- and now I can see why you consistently perform well in this competition!

Nice work! - if Im ever asked for a recommended blog of this type I will be sure to push them to your's Smile

Thanks for sharing!
let me know if you have any questions about my points above and I'll try to elaborate on them.

Cya!
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hugo

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Re: My New Blog

Post by MSC on Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:42 am

You're an Arsenal fan?   How come I wasn't told?   lol! 

Nice blog - my only question is how do people find you?  Will it be a generic "sports" blog?  You need a signpost of some sort.

MSC

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Re: My New Blog

Post by Penniless Punter on Mon Jul 14, 2014 1:46 pm

My Dad was a journalist but as a Communist I have a natural aversion to Western media, Patrick, but good luck with your chosen vocation - I agree Greg Dyke's a w*nker.
Your articles to me seem to lack a sparky dynamic quality and seem a little flat. Maybe a few pictures would liven them up.
On the whole, as cut-throat journalism is, with the right support and encouragement, the sky's the limit for you I'm sure, being smart and ambitious and having your finger in the right pies, playing it straight and knowing the right people/connections etc.
Will you go on to another course, (they used to be 2yr journalists training), or jump right in perhaps already with other options?

Penniless Punter

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Re: My New Blog

Post by upduck on Mon Jul 14, 2014 9:36 pm

Not a journalist.....and having to make allowances for a Gooner..... Shocked 
Enjoyed these Patrick.Nice read.
Think Arsenal will be a force this season (God, that hurts to say it). Very interesting article about Royal Ascot.
I think the reason C4 figures are dropping are mainly down to the ad breaks. Less time to talk about the horses.
Interesting that the viewing figures for the World Cup Final may bear this out....BBC had around 14m viewers to ITV's 4m. Although it can also be attributed to the fact that everyone hates Adrian Chiles.  lol! 

Good luck with the blog.  Very Happy

upduck

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Re: My New Blog

Post by Patrick on Wed Jul 16, 2014 2:13 pm

Thanks for the feedback guys much appreciated. One real problem of mine is i dont proofread quite enough this is something ill need to do a lot more evidently.

i sort of consider myself a sports journalist that specialises in horse racing. this blog doesnt really have any specific direction right now i write one article a week on whatever comes to my mind to write.

apologies about the football team haha steve im guessing you must be a spurs fan?

point taken charles i used to help run a motoring website with a friend from school. now it is true i was kinda blagging and he knew his stuff but i did prefer reading his articles which i found to be punchier.

Cheers guys

Patrick

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